In the 4 years that I have been a Mom, I have had conversations with other Moms that have made me feel supported, understood and appreciated. There are Moms out there that will go out of their way to be helpful and to let you know that you are not alone. They give you helpful tips and tricks and they don’t make you feel guilty when you say things like “I just need some alone time. Just for a couple of hours. To decompress.” They get it, parenting can be hard. And to those Moms, the ones that get it, I appreciate you and I see you.
Unfortunately, not all of my interactions with Moms have been pleasant. I have come across some Mothers that have this notion that I am open to criticism simply because I am a Mom just like they are. They try to dress their judgements up with little bows and try to make it sound all pretty so it won’t cut as deep or so that I won’t realize what they are doing (I see it Susan…I see it). They say things like “No offense” and “In my opinion” when referring to how I parent my children. MY children.
Thankfully, It has become easier over the years to let those comments roll of my back because I know that I am doing a great job as Mother. I don’t need anyone’s stamp of approval to know that. The part about all of this that bothers me is women not lifting each other up. It is the judgements on what we should feed our kids. How long we should be breastfeeding. How we discipline our kids. It is the, my children are better than your children because (insert judgmental reason here).
Imagine what a wonderful community we could have as Mothers if the shaming stopped. If we all acknowledged that, yes, we don’t make the same choices as parents but you know what, that’s ok, because we all have the same goal at the end of the day. To raise happy, healthy, strong, independent, loving humans.
Trying to navigate through “Motherland” can have its ups and downs. In essence we tend to mom shame ourselves at times. Always wondering “ Am I doing this right? I couldn’t possibly be.” “I shouldn’t of done/said that. I am a horrible Mom.” “Why can’t I be more like ____? She seems to have it all together” (she doesn’t). Always second guessing our gut instincts and hoping that we are doing “this” right. Don’t let the shaming get you down. Regardless of how much we may second guess ourselves, at the end of the day, You are the one in YOUR shoes. You know your children better than anyone on this planet and if a Debbie downer tries to get in your head with the judgements, remind yourself that YOU are in the driver’s seat. You make the call. You’re the head Momma of your tribe. You got this.